That's Just Fugtastic

1 Day Closer To Spring!

2012-02-12T14:54:00.000-05:00

This is the train here in Exeter and the 4 inches of melting snow around it is all we have had all winter, a record breaker winter here in New England! Counting my blessings for the very warm winter this year and now finally spring is just around the corner, I'm knocking wood it doesn't rain all summer as it has in the past!

Hub is home today and has been working hard on his traditional "Sunday Dinner" we started doing a couple years ago. It started as a kind of celebratory Sunday dinner the first year we were back in a home of our own after having been homeless over a year. We just carried it on to present, after all, everyday is a blessing when you have a roof over your head. To think how quickly a family can go from home to homeless is staggering and I try NOT to think of it in years gone by. My father always said we are all just 2 paychecks from becoming homeless and it proved to be correct in 2007.

Around here all is stable. Son is holding his own but has lost enough weight in the past few months that his ribs are easily visible, the nausea of a very sick liver sinks any appetite he has but he's making an effort to try to eat daily, managing one meal in the evening. Hub's job at the woodwork store is chugging along but it's hard for him to get a full 40 hours pay and he has only been averaging 37-38 hours. At near minimum wage it's certainly not fun juggling rent and the few bills we have, rent eats all but $380 of it. We finally were able to get a bit of food assistance recently after months of jumping through hoops and paperwork. By the governments calculations a family of three are allowed $8. per day to eat, crazy but every bit helps.

Since the new state law came into effect concerning state disability benefits we are hoping son won't lose his medical coverage. I tried to locate an attorney concerning mine being stopped but so many have now lost their benefits the NH legal system's attorney's are swamped and I have yet to hear a reply from the 20-something legal aid inquiries and forms I have sent out. I'm looking for part time work and my family doctor upped my pain medication so I am able to function half way to try and get a job.

Well this was a quickie update to check in on everyone here and to say hello to you all, hope you and yours are well! Dinnertime here.

THINK SPRING!!!

Back In My Day..

2012-02-06T10:57:00.001-05:00

I love mornings though my joints protest. The new beginning of a day is an opportunity to either have a good day or bad day. I try everyday to have a good day regardless.

I have hand washing to do so we all have clean clothes, it breaks my back but I do it because I love my family AND laundrymats are expensive on a tight budget. Back when my children were small we used cloth diapers, washing those in bleach water and soap was a bitch on the hands but it saved us alot of money. Today's generation are so instant gratification minded it's unreal!

Remember playing all day outside?, television with 4 channels?, making guns for cowboys and indians from sticks? Hows about playing jax and marbles? A child's imagination is a wonderful thing and something we used more often 40 years ago!

That said, much to do and stew to put in the crock pot, wishing all a happy Monday.

Saturday All Day

2012-02-04T04:08:00.001-05:00

I can't sleep so I'm up at 2am watching the movie, "The Grey" online. It's a bit creepy as it's so quiet out here on our enclosed porch. With son residing in our livingroom this last year the enclosed porch off our bedroom has become our new hub/wifie space to hang out so we aren't in our bedroom all day when home. Not by far an easy living situation when we all share a 3 room apartment! My father told me once, "when your kids move from home be sure you live in a home with just 1 bedroom so they won't be able to move back!" So much for that idea.

Yesterday was a peaceful day, mostly because son slept all day. When he is awake he's miserable and in pain so he sleeps alot. Unfortunatley he takes after his mother and doesn't "suffer in silence"! When I'm feeling like crap the world knows, - humor.

The tenants downstairs are playing out being evicted to the bitter court end. That apartment has 1 extra room and if they ever leave, I told hub I want to have a peek at the space in it. There's much reason to NOT consider it.

* 4 dogs live in it and never go potty outdoors, they aren't small either. You can smell the urine from the animals, including 3 indoor cats in any public space both apartments share like the front door hallway to come upstairs to our door.

* Battle scars. The couple are heavy all day drinkers and by dinnertime the wife is crazy angry and starts screaming and yelling, destroying what sounds like furniture, walls, and anything within kicking-punching range including her passive drunk husband. The police are always dragging her off.

* All electric appliances. Since moving here near 2 years ago we have had a new kitchen stove, new furnace and water heater, all gas powered. When the power is out we can still have heat and cook with it. Last year in a snowstorm we lost power 2 days and used our gas stove for heat ( windows cracked open) and it was awesome to have the ability to make coffee on that stove and meals when most couldn't!

Either way I know it's a disaster down there. Hub also added that the building is very old and we would have no way of knowing the things needing repair such as water leaks, the fact the fireplace is unusable and ours works up here.

But they have a washer and dryer hook up to do laundry!, where as 98% of each week I do all but sheets and towels by hand at home in our tub, yup. My hands are always chaffed and sore, fingernails a luxury... my real ones. Hub and myself though would get our livingroom back and son would have his own room, a washer and dryer would be heaven. We don't have hook ups in our place for any such thing. Oh, and there would be no stairs to climb making it easier for son and I.

Ah well. The owner's been since last September trying to evict the couple, he hasn't got a dime since then and being he's 70 he even had to leave retirement and go back to work to pay the utilities down there as he's lost 1000.$ in income from them a month ( includes utils).
Sad.

Well, opinions welcome about my thinking about downstairs. We know there will be tons of scrubbing, rug trashing and disinfecting sure. Okay, time for bed as it's 4am. A couple hours will do for me. Soo much on my mind lately!

Ready for spring?!

Mitt Romney, " I'm not concerned about the very poor" because they have a safety net.

2012-02-02T11:10:00.000-05:00

Author's note:
We are a 3 person family living in 1200$ a month. Earning 1200 a month is poverty level yet earnings enough that we can NOT qualify for any assistance in our state. Wake up Romney.

The Hole in Mitt Romney's Safety Net, Public Outraged.

iPhone 4S Siri User and Frustrated? Video. Caution: Language!

2012-02-02T10:14:00.000-05:00

I use an iPhone 4S and find Siri pretty useless, even mildly annoying so I don't use it. This Scottish Siri commercial that was banned is just too funny but so accurate!
*Caution, bad language.*

Posting Using iPhone 4S Stinks!

2012-01-31T08:49:00.000-05:00

I wanted badly to share here the beautiful vid clip I took this morning of a snow shower while out, but not only is there no option in the mobile blogger client for posting vids, there isn't one using blogger mobile site either, ugh!
I'll have to wait till I'm home later after this appt. Aw heck!

Daily Thought

2012-01-25T18:28:00.001-05:00

When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. -Stephen Hawking

Nightmare Neighbors

2012-01-25T01:17:00.001-05:00

You all probably have had one.
From day 1 moving here there has not been one night gone by we haven't heard screaming, yelling, 4 dogs barking constantly and the woman throwing things at her husband. That's putting it all nicely.

They both drink heavily and the wife not more than 100lbs wet gets violent as hell. Usually the husband, a happy soft spoken type even drinking, runs out the apartment door to escape being beat up. Sometimes he doesn't get away in time and we all as neighbors in and around the couple hear it from 6pm till early morning.

The woman was finally evicted while the husband remained in September on, obviously not paying a dime in rent because he was finally served with papers by the Sheriff to be out in 14 days. Today was that 14th day. He didn't move nor did law enforcement come to put him out.

I don't know how anyone can get away with not paying rent 4 months and still be living in the apartment like this. I'd be humiliated and be long gone if it were me. What makes this worse is he has 3 dogs downstairs he leaves alone overnight and they bark and howl all night, so he also leaves music on and cranks it up so the dogs cannot hear anything and bark at it. The combination of dogs and loud music keeps ALL of us overhead awake!

Wrong. They have been howling like a packnof wolves since he left hours ago and when it's reported there's nothing can be done about it. Animal control states so long as they have food, water, and suitable dwelling they are fine with it.

Unreal.

Spring Came Back!

2012-01-24T10:40:00.001-05:00

It's a balmy 52 degrees out and the snow from the storm is already long melted and gone. It's a beautiful sunshiny day. Zoey, Harpo and I are outdoors on the porch enjoying our reprieve while we have it!

Little Grey Man

2012-01-22T23:52:00.001-05:00

NOT my husband!
A few snaps of Harpo. 25 years is a very long time together. Harpo has experienced my whole adult life with me. Two marriages, raising three children, and lived through 4 Florida hurricanes.

Like life he has been through the hard times also, we both endured being separated for 18 months when we lost our home in Florida and he stayed with another family until we got back on our feet enough to welcome him home.

At the end of the day he is an important part of my family, and will tell you so himself!

Winter Makes A Rare Appearance

2012-01-21T14:32:00.001-05:00

Finally some snow, only our 3rd tiny storm and because it will be in the 50's again in a couple days and rain it won't last long. Yay global warming!

Zoey, The WMUR Dog Still

2012-01-19T17:53:00.001-05:00

I don't know if I told you but Zoey lost the ability to use one if her back legs over the summer. As it turned out it's a hip injury and can, or could have been corrected but for the fee we could'nt raise money to pay. Her old photo they always showed at the end of the morning news helped raise awareness of her condition (the photo of her looking back with the striped vest on) and she was given a doggy wheelchair. Zoey hates the wheelchair. WMUR updated her current photo to one of her and her Christmas toys recently.

Tried as we did the way it's made is too heavy for her to use where the shoulder piece is concerned. We tried altering it to have a harness attached to it and then she would be pulling it along but it's just made too heavy. Sad because I had hopes we would be out going on walks again. We both miss our "walkies."

Now we carry her mostly everywhere. She can balance to go potty but because she is overweight it's difficult if she tries limping on 3 legs. It hasn't dappened her spirit at all because she loves to play and tackle us on the bed with her toys, especially her daddy! When she was young her back legs would suddenly dislocate while running causing her to fall over screaming in pain, we would rub her hips, then hear an audible "click" as they snapped back into place. She outgrew it but our thinking is she has a dislocation now since jumping off the bed and slipping on the wood floor last year early summer.

I make sure she does exercise the bad leg and hip daily by manually moving them and rubbing the muscles. She has won the hearts of many and continues to do so!

Sick Ick

2012-01-17T08:56:00.001-05:00

Blah I have a kidney infection and yeast infection from the antibiotics. Jeez. Yesterday I spent in bed mostly sleeping feeling crappy, except for a 10:30am phone appointment it feels like I need to do the same again. I hate feeling crappy, I'm Super Woman dammit!
*Moans.*

Monday Good Morning. =•)

2012-01-16T08:17:00.001-05:00

The last day of frigid temps, yay.

Bye Bye Facebook

2012-01-15T23:31:00.001-05:00

Yup. I haven't had much use for mine and when I did it wasn't often. Posting photos sort of freaked me along with people I don't know friending me. More than anything I fell victim to the "old classmate trick." A scary experience.
A guy convinced me we went to junior high together, I friended him, he started being perverse and vulgar so I blocked and reported him.

It isn't worth my safety and others knowing too much about my family and me. If I want to chat with people I know we can do it on the phone or email.

"Deactivate Facebook."
Hell yes!

Holy Mother Of Pearl!

2012-01-15T11:06:00.001-05:00

... Is the expression my daughter used for extreme surprise. I'm using it to describe how cold it got so fast! I've been spoiled here in New England with the temps in the 40's and 50's though.
Wanted to wish you out there a blissfuly happy Sunday as I run to find my sweater!

Here Today Gone Tomorrow

2012-01-14T11:20:00.001-05:00

Winter in New Hampshire has arrived for a couple days but by Tuesday it will be warm (45+degrees) again, yay! I love Global Warming. Hub's off today and tomorrow we plan to do our traditional "Sunday Dinner" as hub calls it. He started it a couple years agi when we lived at the oceanside in our tiny 2 room apartment and we still carry it on. He loves to cook and is happiest doing so and I love seeing him happy. Plus it brightens up those boring Sundays!

Insert Smile "Here"

2012-01-13T15:51:00.001-05:00

I was out and about moving the snow around before it freezes solid over the next two days. Looking up most if my neighbors were doing the same. We had a couple inches yesterday which is really only the 2nd time total we have seen snow in Exeter this year. It's been one heck of a warm winter, just jacket weather. By Tuesday we will be back in the 40's again! I posted this Jim Carey photo to make you grin, if it worked then my day now is complete!

Toddler And Beast

2012-01-12T03:44:00.001-05:00

Out of the mouths of babes.

Be True To Yourself

2012-01-11T23:31:00.001-05:00

Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.

Love Your Inner Child

2012-01-11T02:05:00.001-05:00

"I am perfect, whole, and complete, just as I am. The more you repeat this statement of truth about yourself, the quicker you will release the past."

Love is the greatest healing power I know. Love can heal even the deepest and most painful memories because love brings the light of understanding to the dark corners of our mind. No matter how painful our early childhood was, loving our inner child now will help us to heal it. In the privacy of our own minds we can make new choices and think new thoughts. Thoughts of forgiveness and love for our inner child will open pathways, and the Universe will support us in our efforts.

Poof, Your Homeless.

2012-01-10T23:13:00.001-05:00

My day ended with sitting across the table from a DHS worker handing me my state disability cash assistance paperwork back, no sorries, no emotion. I said "so like that the state cuts me off for a first denial from applying for Social Security Disability, knowing that even with this new state law that first time applicants are always denied, often multiple times without an attorney's help?, no warning?"

"Correct, sign here and here, I am denying your appeal."

"How do I now pay my rent due in 3 weeks? My lease is 30 days, my family will be homeless shortly after that and I have a terminally ill son at home." My husband makes minimum wage, it doesn't come close to pay rent yet is enough to over qualify us for any help with rent, heat and now medical and food assistance. ALL denied.

"Have a good afternoon."

Ironicly I'm posting this from the emergency room because my son's lungs have filled with fluid causing infection they say. They'll keep him, fill him with antibiotics, drain him and he'll be sent home to continue dying.

No healthcare.

This is America.

War Horse, A Worldwide Message

2012-01-10T22:57:00.001-05:00

War Horse shares the message of hope and the ability of nations at war to come together through a simple plight of a horse caught in the middle. The movie will at the least leave you with a lump in your throat and shivers.

A must see around the globe and one of the best "feel good" movies in a very long time.

A Little Humor

2012-01-10T11:26:00.001-05:00

Indigo Children

2012-01-10T08:52:00.001-05:00

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indigo_children

I'm not spiritual nor much of anything in that respect but this sounds so much like my sons and myself. Weird.

Tuesday.

2012-01-10T08:41:00.001-05:00

Good Morning World.

Walking That Walk

2012-01-10T00:18:00.001-05:00

In order to have my disability reinstated I have to pull out a very long painful history of mental healthcare I had long ago locked away and air it once again year by painful year to total strangers. My hearing is tomorrow at 2:30, with a pain doctor appointment exactly 1 hour prior. I'd feel a whole lot better if I could make it to my pharmacy between the two with such anxiety. God give me the grace to keep my shit together for this one day, then home to hide. I found out this afternoon I have skin cancer on my left shoulder. I see the doctor next Monday for tests and the biopsy.

Recent Snaps

2012-01-09T12:06:00.001-05:00

Pets, Christmas, hub & I playing with cam filters, 2 of our 4 sons here. Hub and Zoey share Christmas hat.

My Night Out

2012-01-09T11:39:00.001-05:00

I ended up in the local ER myself last night, not by choice. As much as I bitch, moan and groan in private and sometimes blogging I'm a pretty tough cookie by nature.

Between the emotional stress of the past week and severe pain from my ongoing herniated disc I went bananas though, lost my shit, went postal..whatever you call it and I'd just reached my max. Hub dragged me to the hospital where they treated my pain in my back and hip and I'm sure the only reason I got that much is because I told them I have a dr appointment today, which I do with my family dr.

The pain clinic sucks. They try all these different narcotics on you for your pain which in turn screws you up emotionaly and mentally, then of course your an addict. I loath the word itself because of the obvious, my dying son. I am famous for not wanting to take anything or trying to take too little and still function and getting myself sick. I hate being treated by the clinic as an addict and the regime they keep you on is so strict if you have a bad pain day and your meds arent working great well your just stuck. Pain clinics here anyway treat you genericly and not as a person with pain.

Because the law has clamped down (understandably so) here in New Hampshire on narcotic prescriptions many family doctors are hesitant. I'm going to have a chat with my fam dr today in hopes she'll consider taking over my medications mostly because when we go to England I need my medication in advance to take and clinic do not allow for this either.
Tomorrow is my meeting to determin if I can get my temporary disability back and I'm a wreck, not to mention I have to go alone.

Changing Tides in America

2012-01-07T15:58:00.001-05:00

I'm nearly 50 and been disabled since age 28. My husband is at his 55th birthday soon, lived and worked in
America from England since 2001. We both got SSA statements recently. I will never be able to collect Social Security, nor will husband as he won't have accummilated enough points until he is in his 90's.

My NH disability was just stopped without notice due to the Obama administration and state cutbacks. If you are refused SSD medicaly you lose your state temporary disability. A ludicrous law because everyone's turned down SSD 2 and 3 times when filing, and then there are appeals.

We cannot pay our rent as it was stopped without notice. I contacted legal aid but will hear nothing back as there is such a backlog of cases due to this new law. We will be homeless before May and it's winter.

I hate America. I hate everything about it's selfish government where rich get richer and poor just die.

Not that grass is greener anywhere else. I don't believe it for a moment. But with a husband needing healthcare and having none, needing family help here and having none, I feel like I now have no choice but to go back to England with him where he has 3 years left to work to obtain a state pension and still holds 2 private ones. His family is offering to help us once there.

My ill son however refuses to come. Motherhood is a curse, one that does not end in mind and heart until your dead and gone. I love my son dearly and my 2 other grown children but hardly hear or see either.

My breaking heart. Do you save yourself and forsake flesh and blood? I wasn't raised this way.

Son's Dying Liver and Mom's Dying Will

2012-01-06T15:36:00.000-05:00

They say you know your getting old when your pets die. My son is going to reach that precipice well before my 5 year old dog. Having sworn off chemotherapy in either denial or fear doesn't matter anymore. It's a mother watching her child die that teeters me on the verge of sanity and back. Lack of insurance and a government who cares less he just exists a sad 26 year old existence in and out of the emergency room revolving door.
How can I not feel responsible & guilty for all of it.
Had I not given birth ....

Returned, more humbler.

2012-01-06T15:18:00.000-05:00

I returned to Blogger mostly because I miss everyone I knew. Life became so overpowering I couldn't keep up and even still it's very difficult. My terminally ill son drains me. I miss my friends made here and only hope I can find you again. I need friends right now.